Funny Or Die

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- 17 Apr 15, 3:23pm -

Jimmy Kimmel Live

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- 17 Apr 15, 3:23pm -

McSweeney's

  • Butterball Help-Line Help-Line
    Originally published November 26, 2003. - - -Q: A caller just said she forgot to baste every 10 minutes. I advised her to serve the turkey anyway. Was I correct? A: Not at all. The turkey is merely the vehicle for the basting. In a recent poll, nine…
    - 1 day ago, 22 Nov 17, 6:01pm -
  • Thanksgiving Dinner 101 Course Syllabus
    Thanksgiving Dinner 101 Course Syllabus Fall 2017 Instructor: Your Mom Course Location: 101 Tapley Rd, Dining Room Hours: Thursday, November 23, 2017 from 2 pm to 6 pm Description This course involves an in-depth analysis of your life by your mother,…
    - 1 day ago, 22 Nov 17, 3:02pm -
  • The West Wing: Recaps from the Final Season of Democracy: Season 18, Episode 37
    The Thanksgiving episodes of The West Wing are classics: President Bartlet calling the Butterball hotline, CJ choosing which turkey to pardon. For that reason, I had high hopes for memorable moments in this week’s episode. Which turkey would get pa…
    - 1 day ago, 22 Nov 17, 3:00pm -
  • Amongst the Liberal Elite: Holidays Amongst the Liberal Elite
    ALEXANDRA: Fucking Al Franken. MICHAEL: Again? ALEXANDRA: Again. An ass grab. While he was in office. MICHAEL: Well, so much for the “Maybe he shouldn’t resign” argument. ALEXANDRA: Unless you’re Morrissey. Then he’d just call it “telling…
    - 1 day ago, 22 Nov 17, 1:00pm -
  • This Thanksgiving We’re Pivoting to Video
    Before we pop this turkey in the oven, I just want to say that Thanksgiving is going to be a little different this year. Don’t worry, it’s still going to be the mostly the same: pickup football, Grandma’s famous stuffing, Uncle Dale’s politic…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Nov 17, 4:04pm -
  • List: Traditional Thanksgiving Sidepieces
    Katie, the paralegal who swore she would never get involved with a married man, unless said married man offered to pay off her student loans. Jasper, the Croatian personal trainer who stops by after his girlfriend’s husband heads back to work, brin…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Nov 17, 4:01pm -
  • We’re Ending Fixer Upper So We Can Explore Our New Passion for 1970s European Brutalism
    There have been a ton of rumors about why Jo and I are leaving our show. Like, that I’m the Lindberg baby, and that is why my hair is long. Or that I insisted on making contact with a section of Waco that UNESCO declared a world heritage site due t…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Nov 17, 1:02pm -
  • Monologue: Marina Abramović is Your Kid’s New Soccer Coach and the Team is Down by Nine Goals at the Half
    I face so much jealousy as Marina Abramović. Why are you jealous? Ask. Use your voices to ask and sing it as a question. Now get up. Really? Now sit down. When your bodies get up, are the bodies stork birds or the pigeon or eagle? I am eagle. Why do…
    - 2 days ago, 21 Nov 17, 1:01pm -
  • What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Target of Sexual Harassment
    Your beautiful bundle of joy hasn’t yet entered the world or even developed distinguishing sex organs, but that doesn’t mean she can’t be harassed for having a female body. With this helpful calendar, you can track your baby’s development and…
    - 3 days ago, 20 Nov 17, 6:00pm -
  • Scenes from Ivanka Trump’s Deep Sea Thanksgiving
    “Have no idea how to decorate your Thanksgiving table? Problem solved…” — @IvankaHQ, 11/16/17 - - -The kids gather around the Thanksgiving Clam to pick out their presents, which are tasteful mother-of-pearl accessories from my eponymous jewel…
    - 3 days ago, 20 Nov 17, 4:03pm -

The Onion

Videogum

  • Toilet Training Your Puppy - Why Crating is Better
    There are many methods you can use for toilet training your puppy. However, crating remains one of the most effective. In fact, crating is so powerful, it is universally recommended by most dog training specialists. To humans this might s…
    - 17 Mar 17, 10:58am -
  • Stopping Puppy Chewing - Different Techniques to Control the Chewing
    When one first brings home a new puppy they can almost always expect some degree of chewing. For one thing puppies are generally either going through or have just completed the teething stage of their life and just like a human baby chewi…
    - 17 Mar 17, 10:57am -
  • Stop Puppy from Digging - Giving Puppies a Better Outlet than Digging
    For many puppy owners digging can quickly become a problem. For most dogs the instinct to dig is bred right into their make-up. It can be difficult to stop a puppy from digging, but it can be done.The first thing you need to do is try to fi…
    - 15 Mar 17, 1:00am -
  • Stop puppy From jumping - Teaching Puppies to Stay “Off”
    Most puppies are just full of energy. They have a tendency to just bounce about the house in a cute manner. However when a puppy starts jumping up on you and others, it may start out as cute, but may turn into a nuisance later on.One re…
    - 13 Mar 17, 7:03pm -
  • The Causes of Scratching in Dogs
    Dogs scratch for any number of reasons. They generally do it to relieve a real itch – the result of an allergy, a flea bite, or an irritation that they might get from time spent out of the house in water, mud, or other irritants.When…
    - 6 Mar 17, 12:00am -